It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Drake has all the answers
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
