Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
