We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
