Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
