omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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