he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
