yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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