Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
