i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
