Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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