it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
