Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
