Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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