i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
