i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
