Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
