He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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