if only i could text you this smell
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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