like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
