I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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