We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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