i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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