A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
