I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
