I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
