Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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