Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
