There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
