How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
