my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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