Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
