Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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