I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
