shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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