Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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