You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
