I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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