You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
