so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
