If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
