I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
