I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
