i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
