U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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