just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
