he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
