Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
