moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Never joke about your clitoris.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
