he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
