he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
