Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
