Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
