this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
