i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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