i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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