I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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