he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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