Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
