smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
