I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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