im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
