I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
