I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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