ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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