You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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