I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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