i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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