Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
