If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
