Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
