i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
