what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
