is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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