someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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