Got a toothbrush?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
