Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize