I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
