Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
