the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
