So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
