I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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