Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
well you can't waste a boner
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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